Annie: "SNAKE!!"

You should know that the Burns' men are famous for our bravery when it comes to snakes. I've never in my life seen a snake I haven't attempted to kill, no questions asked, except of course those I couldn't get to, like in a zoo. I have taught my son what I have learned about snakes: It's not how you kill 'em, it's..just kill 'em. Well... I got this hilarious email today from home.

In Annie's own words: "I saw our first snake this afternoon and let me tell you, I was NOT all too happy! I went out on the back porch to talk on the phone and THERE going into the bushes by the air conditioners was a SNAKE.....ooooooouuuuuu GROSS! It was about the size of a small alligator, tongue darting in and out sniffing out its next victim, mouth wide with 2 inch fangs! Well...almost! It was actually about 2 feet long (1 and 3/4 TOO long) and about the size of a quarter round. Still gross! I screamed and Trip came out. Much like his father before him, he took a broom handle and stood at least the length of it plus an arm's length and poked around the bushes. Such a He-Man! We spotted it twice more cowering by the air conditioners. Finally we let Reb out and fearless dog that she is, she sniffed around....but produced no kill! Trip tired easily of not getting the snake, went inside and watched me poke around a bit longer from inside. So...to make a long story even longer...the snake is still at large and hopefully has gone back to the little snake village from whence it came! "

My initial thought, as I read the email...



Then I thought...



Once, at dusk, in Houston right before a hurricane, I came home to find Annie and all the neighborhood kids pointing at something in the azalea bushes in the front of the house. I (think Mr. Incredible) walk up and see a huge snake, thick as a werf football, coiled around the azalea. So, immediately I head to the garage to grab my weapon - a seven iron (proven to be the best snake killer on the links).

Using proper technique taught to me by my father - at extreme arms length away from the monster should it uncoil itself in a flash and attemp to make its own kill - I proceed to hack up the snake, and bushes, until the anaconda is butchered and dead.

The hurricane comes and goes that night. Next morning, I go out to see my kill...and, NO SNAKE. It's gone! I look all over the yard. Nothing. Then, down the street: There it is! Butchered, and still slithering to get away to meet up with its family of little snakes, to kill again. This time, I ran over it with the car, and back over it. I left it there as an example to other snakes.